Hi, I’m poor…please don’t hate me

Unfortunately, this is the world we live in today. The country is divided. The differences have created a larger span in the divide with the far left and far right. I, like most Americans, am sitting in the middle shielding my ears from the noise.

How did we get here? Are we all fed an algorithm based on our gender, location, social situation, income or party affiliation? Is there a particularly gullible group? Hateful group? As much as I enjoy the convenience of having a computer in my hand all day, with the endless google searches, fun TikTok videos and the drama of Facebook groups, I have to believe it was the downfall of society. But that’s a subject for another day.

Immigration, DEI, and transgender topics are spreading hate while the rich make the rules.

I struggled with undiagnosed ADHD and numerous anxiety and social problems which left me behind the game well into my adult life. But to set the tone of this story, I always tried

Not only did I try but I had goals to do the right thing. I became a single mother after a toxic relationship and was always told by the older generation that it was my choice to have kids so it was my responsibility to support them. A father can walk away anytime and play the victim if asked for child support but a mother “should have kept her legs closed.” But I Digress.

I worked until the day before I had my daughter and received food stamps and WIC for 3 months after. Food stamps at that time were actual paper coupons you ripped off like carnival tickets, and it had to be to the dollar because it was only change allowed to be given after paying the total.

I can still hear the people behind me in line sounding like they were deflating with their sighs when witnessing someone getting help from the government to feed herself and newborn and holding up the line ripping these paper coupons out of a book.

I worked factory jobs during the night to make a living and provide health insurance for myself and my kids and had many part time jobs waitressing and cleaning for the extra money for food, clothing and essential.

When I complained because I was struggling financially, I was told i should have finished college. When I graduated high school in 1985, we had to either go to college, enlist in the service or get a job. And with any of these options, you moved out of your parents house. I never thought it was kind to receive luggage on your 18th birthday, but I believe the parents of my generation had a greater knowledge of the world than I admittedly have. (As I fight with my 30 year old son everyday to get a job and move out.)

I did go to college after high school and quit after a year, i didn’t like school and I wasn’t ready. But at 38 I went back as a single mother. I worked 11pm-7am, drove to school for 8-4, and got home, made dinner and slept before work. I managed to be on the Deans list, National Honor Society and even was nominated for a scholarship. Then i quit with only 6 credits shy of a degree.

In 2018, I purchased my home after being blindsided with a divorce. I used my savings and spent 14000 on my row home fixer upper. I thought it was a good idea after struggling all my life, my kids were now grown and I pictured myself finally being able to slow down and have some peace.

It wasn’t long before I got to experience the war on the poor, unlike the war on poverty` I was led to believe all my life.

The first week of living in my new home, my 23 year old son took my car while i was sleeping and drove it into a tree while he was high, breaking his neck and shattering his arm. He survived. Barely. This was after being 3 years sober and that itself was heartbreaking. The opioid crisis has taken a toll on my family.

Last year i was ready to sell everything I owned just to send him to a new treatment in Florida, but then he was arrested. so much money is being paid out from the pharmaceutical lawsuits to help fight this disease. But the Sackler family who started the epidemic and killed hundred of thousands of people walk free, the addicts that were affected by this criminal organization are being rounded up and put in jail.

I had lost my job due to having to take so much time off to care for him after the accident, but found a retail position at the local gas station and since he wrecked my car I wasn’t in any position to wait for a better paying job since I could walk to and from this job.

I was still working there when Covid hit in 2020. I got to stay home for 3 weeks during the first part of the quarantine; but being essential (sacrificial), I returned to work but on part time hours. I wasn’t able to collect on partial hours like everyone else was, which I couldn’t understand at the time.

I had also lost approximately 50-60 pounds in a very short time and started feeling very weak and my hands were locking up in a ball and my feet felt like i was being stabbed with knives all over. It was becoming clear I needed to take time off, my boss was very kind to me even though I could be a handful at times. He suggested i take a voluntary lay off so I could collect while I figured out my health issues, I only anticipated a week or two of downtime and I’d be as good as knew.

It was a year of countless doctor appointments and tests. It’s frustrating to feel awful all the time , have tests come back abnormal but no diagnosis from at least 6 doctors. In the mean time, I collected unemployment for a few weeks and then they implemented a two step verification since a lot of fraud and identity theft occurred around this time.

When applying for disability there’s a mountain of paperwork required. Like most people, i was working when I became disabled and didn’t have any documentation of anything or a specific doctor that was familiar with me and my health concerns. It took two and a half years to get approved, even though I was declared disabled for life 13 years earlier after a traumatic brain injury. I was trying to do the right thing.

It wasn’t long before my savings were gone and it was almost immediately the water company shut my water off and every quarter after that. That is something I can’t understand. Shutting off someone’s water is dehumanizing. And the rare occasions I was able to pay on time the sewer bill or the sewer transmission fee would be late and they also shut the water off. But they didn’t have the smug attitudes the water authority has.

The electric company was reasonable with hardship programs and low income guidelines, until the last month before I received my approval letter. I had called to try and work something out and they extended my shut off date and I was going to have my doctor fill out a medical certificate. But they shut it off anyway, they admitted to it being an oversight on their end but I still had to sit in the dark overnight with no batteries for a flashlight and I would’ve charged my phone if I was expecting it to happen.

I did receive free phone service but I still had to have wifi service which I had lost during the unemployment issues. I also received 500 dollars in food stamps a month and 1000 dollars a year for heat. People get really angry about these benefits but i wasn’t buying lobster tails with 125 dollars a week to live on for food. And filling my oil tank once is at least 600 dollars which lasts 6 weeks at best if i keep the thermostat at 62 degrees.

I know it disturbs people to think of people getting help from the government but I found out i was approved for disability by a letter from the welfare office. They were aware of my upcoming income and my 500 dollars in food stamps changed to 23 dollars a month and the 1000 dollar heat assistance went to 200 dollars a year. (I can’t get that delivered without at least a matching payment from me.) But I’m still thankful for the help, my point is this system isn’t broken like people think. And it’s the first programs on the chopping block for government budgets. People should be more outraged at the corporate subsidies given to billion dollar companies while half of their work force qualifies for snap benefits since they don’t pay living wages.